The following question was texted in after the message on marriage this past Sunday
As a husband what are some practical ways we can be a servant leader and love our wives the way Christ loved the church?
One of the most powerful ways to do this is to know the love language of your wife. Author Gary Chapman talks about how each of us is uniquely wired to give and receive love in specific ways and he calls these the five love languages. They are: gifts, words of affirmation, acts of service, quality time, and physical touch. Without explaining these I bet you already know at least one that is important to your spouse. Most people have two dominant ones and once you know those for your spouse you can use those to help you find intentional ways to love and serve them.
For example, if acts of service is a primary love language then it would be very meaningful to your wife if you washed and detailed her car, cleaned up the house, or made a meal for her. If it’s physical touch then being intentional about cuddling on the couch, giving her random hugs, or holding her hand in public would be extremely meaningful.
If you aren’t sure what you or your spouses love language is you can take a short quiz here: https://www.5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/couples-quiz/
Now, loving like Christ is the massive challenge here! It’s one thing to learn the love languages and do things from time to time that are meaningful, it’s another to love like Jesus, sacrificially. In talking about his role Jesus says in Mark 10:44, “For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” So the challenge for husbands to love like Christ is rooted in this posture, a posture that seeks to serve our wives and put them before ourselves.
The practical outworking of this is going to look different depending on the context of your home. For some this might mean before you plop down in front of the TV for three hours to watch a game, you consider whether your wife has had any of her own downtime recently. Or before you schedule a golf game with your friends, you encourage your wife to schedule some time for her hobbies and passions first. Half the battle here is with our own selfishness, so when our posture is oriented toward serving our wife our actions will follow.
Peace and grace,
Pastor Andrew